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The Perplexed Rice Krispie

Here’s a quick story about a time I took too much of an edible. 

Let me start off by saying, I don’t do drugs. Don’t smoke, Don’t snort, Don’t inject none of that. But from time to time, I will dabble with some edibles. When I say time to time I really mean, very rare occasions. In the past couple years I remember 3 occasions where I took part in the devils candy.

Vegas….Literally that’s the only thing I can tell you about that. Everybody knows the rule about Vegas. 

Last game of senior season. After the last game of my college career we had a long trip home after the game in Golden. I personally can’t stand bus trips. You can’t get comfortable, everybody’s being loud, outlets don’t work, never a perfect temperature. The list goes on, but it was a long bus trip home. So me and my buddy popped a few eddies. He was laying on the ground and I got the whole backseat to myself and I’ve never been more content on a bus before. Watched the whole season of big mouth on netflix. What a time to be alive.

Friday afternoon after a day full of tests. I really don’t remember what tests I had that day or why I decided taking an edible was needed after them. Actually I do know, for the 5 grueling years of college. I spent the majority of my time stressing out over everything. So I got home after my tests and literally had nothing to do the whole weekend. I had a golden opportunity that comes around once every other full moon.

I had the whole weekend off from work, football, school, and my internship. I bought a rice krispie edible from one of my buddies a couple weeks ago and thought this was as good time as ever to let it rip. This is the point in the blog where I refer you back to the part that states, “I don’t do drugs. Don’t smoke, Don’t snort, Don’t inject none of that.” That was honestly the first time I’ve ever bought drugs with my sheltered ass. So when I took this edible, I didn’t know you were supposed to eat like a third of it. My dumbass ate the whole thing. In my defense there was no instruction manual that came with the treat. I don’t know why I scarfed it down like I was on a food challenge though.

“Welp there’s no turning back from here.”

So a half hour goes by and I’m feelin alright. Playin some videogames, got some music playin. I’m over here thinkin alright, this is pretty relaxing, I should do this more often.

(5 more mins goes by)

This is no way an exaggeration. I remember this like it was yesterday.

I’m staring at my tv as if I’m playing a game of pubg. Moving the controls as if I’m in an actual game. I get an itch on my nose and rub my face for a solid 2 mins. I look back up and I’m at the home screen. This is where the paranoia started to kick in.

Wtf?

Wasn’t I just in a match?

Ok James calm down, we’ll just watch some big mouth like we did last time. 

I turned Netflix on in a panic. Like there was a bomb strapped to my chest and it’ll go off unless Big Mouth was on in 5 secs. 

So I get the show on, crawl into bed, put all my blankets and pillows on top of me. Got real comfortable…..too comfortable.

This is where the bad trip starts to happen. 

My mind was blank. Like you know how you’re constantly thinking of something. Obviously that’s how the brain works. The only thing that was going through my head was, “Shouldn’t I be thinking of something right now.” That thought was being played over and over in my head. Then I came to the realization that I just overdosed on weed, and I was seconds away from dying.

For some reason my thoughts were drowning out the sound from the t.v.

My body all of a sudden became very cold. So I hopped up, in a panic and started doing jumping jacks. Shouldn’t take long for me to warm up right? Wrong.  That wasn’t working, then I realized that I couldn’t feel anything. So I ran and got in the shower. Put the hot water on full blast.

Now at first wasn’t feeling the heat so I started pinching the back of my arms to see if I could feel that. Little fun fact for y’all I hate being pinched. Probably the most passive aggressive thing a person can do. So I pinched myself and I instantly felt that pain. Then the hot water kicked on and I got smacked in the face with what felt like boiling grits. 

So I get back to my room and lay down, mind is still blank. Randomly Jesse bursts in my room. “What are you doing?”

Without even realizing it, I was laying on my bed facing the wall. The wall was literally 3 inches away from my nose. “Nothin man. What’s up?

“I brought the pizza you asked for.”

I guess I called him while I was having a moment with the mall. And asked him to bring me a pizza from Dominos. So I scarfed that down with no regards for human life at all. 

“Hey man, can you hangout for a bit?” Me not wanting to be alone with my emotionally unstable blank thoughts. So he stuck around for about 30 mins then left. 

My head was still fuzzy. So of course I start panicking. Because I’ve heard stories about people smoking laced weed and legit losing a few chromosomes. Like thoughts and movement didn’t process as fast with them as a result of the infamous weed overdose. 

So I get back up and start moving around, to regain my whits. I imagine from the third person perspective, it looked like I lost my mind. Imagine there being a camera up in a corner in my room. And all you’ve seen me do in the span of 3 hours is, cover myself in blankets, do jumping jacks, go take a shower, stare at the wall, eat a whole pizza on a single breath, and now running around your room. It was like a day in the life of Simple Jack. 

I ended up calling Jesse again asking him to bring me a rice bowl. Don’t remember how that conversation went. But he ended up coming in clutch for the second time in a row.

He managed to stick around for a little bit as I ate my rice bowl without coming up for air. After I was done eating I finally felt myself coming down. Thank god.

Headed upstairs and told my roommates the hell I just went through and their only response was, “You can’t overdose on pot dumbass.”

Later that night my buddy Aaron told me that he was in my room a couple days ago and saw the rice krispy treat. Told me that he almost ate it too. Kinda wished he did, that would’ve made for a better story.

Now that I think about it, it was a Thursday night because we always got pizzas at the bar on Thursday. Which was a pretty good tradition we had going. But I definitely consumed a gross amount of calories that day. 2 pizzas, a rice bowl, and a Perplexed Rice Krispie.

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